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Why my 4 year old Treo is better than an iPhone

Everybody loves the iPhone. Except me. I see the iPhone, and I see nothing more than an Apple club badge. The only unique feature is the multi-touch interface, but to be honest with you, that doesn’t make up for the fact that it:

1. Costs $400
2. Does all these great things… which Palm and Windows Mobile devices have done for like 8 years.

I have mobile service through Sprint PCS (love them, customer service blows AT&T, T-Mobile, and Verizon out of the water. My unlimited data plan was free, thank you very much!). I originally had the free phone, which was a Razr, which recently died. So, I needed a new phone.

Scouring eBay, I found a pretty sweet deal on a Palm Treo 650 Smartphone. It’s 4 years old, and I paid $80 for it. Now, to prove to you that my 4-year-old USED Treo is better than a brand new $400 iPhone, I will compare the so-called “revolutionary” (quoted from Apple.com) features of the iPhone against those of my Treo:

There you have it.. a side by side comparison between the $400 iPhone, and my $80 used Treo 650 from 2004. There are only two things the iPhone has that my Treo doesn’t:

1. Visual Voicemail
   But who the hell cares? Is it really worth $400 just to have a list of my voicemails? Come on.
2. WiFi
   This is truly a gimmick when included with any phone. If you have a smart device like an iPhone, Treo, or other smartphone, you are primarily going to be in places where there isn’t any WiFi at all, and you’ll have to use your mobile data service from your provider. Considering unlimited data for most providers is like $15 a month… why the hell would I even NEED WiFi? I have a permanent 3mbps connection, no matter where I am. Always. Don’t need WiFi on my cell phone.

Apple has some serious nerve to claim that anything in their iPhone is “new”, let alone “revolutionary”. Read this carefully, iFags: It’s just a phone. Oooh, you got a weather report on it. So did I, and it was loaded 3 times as fast, since my Sprint Treo is on EV-DO, and not EDGE. That’s the other thing.. AT&T kind of sucks… a lot. If the iPhone really was the best phone ever (it isn’t, but this is a what-if) it would still be worth getting a “lesser” phone, just to avoid AT&T.

I can install any program I want onto my Treo, for free. Hell, if I so desired, I could even write my own native apps. iPhone? The closest thing it has is webpages that fit on its screen. Seriously.. dudes.. wtf. That is lame.

The whole ‘triangulate your location for the mapping thing’ is pretty bogus, too. Most people have experienced an accuracy of something along the lines of 300 yards. It may just be me, but doesn’t that sound a bit.. you know… COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS?! Three football fields?! Yeah thanks Apple, but I could have guesstimated my location to within 300 yards for free all on my own. With the Treo, it costs extra, but I can get a GPS SDIO card with software that will pinpoint my ass right down to 3 yards. That’s 9 feet. I could actually navigate with that.

Besides, any real geek would never touch a phone that couldn’t SSH into their Linux or UNIX server:

Screenshot of justice right there. SSH’ing into my Linux box while taking a dump. Pure geekery, brought to you by the Palm Treo.

Down with the iPhone(y)!

He’s multiplying!

It’s true! I’ve managed to set off a chain reaction of dividing cells and eventual mind function!

In other words… Amber and I are having a fucking BABY…

…and I just remembered ever single bit of mischievous bullshit my parents had to deal with. Guess I better find a sturdy helmet and a good way to get dried ketchup out of cinder block basement walls.